Years ago, when I was going through some really, really bad times in my life, I used to lay in bed and imagine what it would be like if I won the lottery. I'd dream about how my life would change, about all the good things I could do, and how I could help my family while helping myself. In those daydreaming moments, I could feel the joyful sensation such a life-altering moment would bring. Just thinking about it would make my toes all tingly and bring a smile to my face.
That is how I'm feeling today...tingly toes, a smile on my face, a joyful hum in my heart. No, I've not won the lottery per se. I've won a much bigger one: life's lottery.
I have the best husband -- he spoils me beyond reason and I don't even ask for anything! He treats me like a queen and loves me without question. He adores me and I, him. He's awnry (for those of you outside of the tri-county area, it's like a positive version of ornery -- funny, playful, feisty, energetic, smartallecky, and rotten, but in a good way.
I've got some really good kids -- even if they are rotten little buggers sometimes. I've got the most adorable grandchildren. The oldest of which is just as stubborn as her grandpa, but so cute you only want to thump grandpa on his head! She's 6, bouncy, cute, funny and as smart as a tack! The middle granddaughter is a 4 year old sweetie pie who makes you laugh because of the funny things she says, and the youngest, who is two, and my only grandson, is so full of hugs, kisses, and he likes to smell your hair when you hug him!
I've got a great family, wonderful in-laws, and a bushelful of really, really good friends.
I've got a beautiful home, even though there isn't a room in it that is 100% finished. I'm married to a carpenter. Its the same as 'the cobbler's children have no shoes'. ;o) It's only 890 square feet, but it is by far the most beautiful home I've ever lived in. (I think its partly because my husband is a phenomenal carpenter and its filled with lots of love and laughter!)
And I get to write. I get to write and publish all those stories that have been floating around in my head all these years. It used to be that my stories were my means of escape. Escaping all of the not-so-fun things that were happening in my life. I could withdraw into my own mind and create wonderful places, people, and events. I could create bad guys (who were often based on real life people) and I could get even with them. ;o) In my mental dodging of the real world, I was able to solve and overcome any obstacle. There was nothing that I couldn't fix or escape from. There was peace and tranquility.
I look at those times and events in my life now, as blessings. Although at the time, when I was going through those things, they certainly didn't feel like blessings. More like a baptism by fire or walking barefoot across cockleburs. Painful, hard to understand, awkward, embarrassing, humiliating, traumatic, heartbreaking moments. But now, when I look back on them, I think that I was lucky to have gone through them.
Why? Because I know those moments made me who I am today. Even the really ugly moments. They also help me appreciate my life now, more than I probably would have had always been blessed with this happy life I now have.
So I sit here, looking out my windows at the beautiful maple tree with leaves that are just turning gold, and I feel happy. Content. Loved. Cherished. Blessed. But most of all, amazed. I must have done something in a previously life, something really spectacular and awesome. Because for the life of me, I can't figure out what I've done in this one to deserve all these blessings that I have.
I am humbled and amazed at the outpouring of readers who've contacted me and told me how much they loved my stories. I'm completely amazed by the fact that I do get to give up my day job and write full time. My mind is boggled when someone stops me on the street and recognizes me as 'that author lady'.
I owe it all to the people who read my books. Without them, I wouldn't be able to give up the day job. I wouldn't be able to help my family. I wouldn't be able to share these mental escapades that rattle through my brain. I wouldn't be able to stay at home or pay for my mom's medications. I wouldn't be able to repay old debts.
Oh, I'd still feel blessed and happy with all that I have outside of writing! I'd still feel the same way about my husband, kids, grandkids, family, our little house, and all of my friends.
Writing adds something to my life. Something that I am often times at a loss for words to try to explain. So thank you, dear readers, for believing in me, for buying my books, for your kind words of encouragement, for all that you do. You're the most important part of this current journey that I am on. I wouldn't have been able to take it without you.
So yes, I'm pretty sure this toe-tingling, happy, content, amazing and blessed feeling is what it would be like to win the lottery. Oh, maybe not as 'big bang' as actually winning it. And of course, there would be a butt-load more money involved. But this? This life I have? Its just as thrilling, just as amazing, and just as wonderful.
I just had an ah-hah! moment! I am living the happily ever after! Cool.